The year is 2030. The station is Channel 5 which – after the closure of the BBC and the demise of Channel 4 after the scandals of the early 2020s – is now the Republic of Britain’s most watched ichannel. The programme is titled “I remember the tenties”.
An aging Rick Edwards is one of dozens of vox pops remembering the music fad of repeating the end of a word that you’ve just sung on a single note. Edwards comments:
“It all started with the Rhianna song Umbrella, eh, eh eh, and went crazy from there! It’s a great way of extending your song without writing more words.”
The tenties began in earnest with Taylor Swift “you found me-ee-ee-ee” (2:19)
In 2021 this trend climaxed and imploded in a dramatic end to Bieber’s career with his hit “Hello”: an avant-garde minimalistic work comprising two notes with the following lyrics:
Hello-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ay-ay-ay
This eight minute track hailed the end of repeating a syllable on the same note at the end of a word, as well as the demise of the BBC, Channel 4 and the overthrow of his Majesty King Charles III.
Fortunately there was a Saviour in the form of President Cameron’s grandson – Cameron Camerson (who had changed his surname so as not to be associated with the legacy of his dictatorial grandfather). Camerson invented a new style of pop vocal – he would sing the first syllable of a word for over a minute before moving on to the next syllable. With hits such as “Shitake mushrooms”, “Country House” and “Dictatorz ‘r’ bad”, Camerson’s effect on Britain was the establishment of BBC 2.1 and restoration the monarchy under Queen Catherine, whose husband had died of premature baldness, although the Queen was implicated in a poisoning plot, a charge which she denied until she was asked unexpectedly, when she accidentally admitted regicide.
Philip O'Meara 